Just when things were getting good.

I wish the world could understand how difficult it is to be a girl. The world is against me. I believe I am a pretty decent fucking person. Yet this ridiculousness keeps coming up. I wish I could change the past but I cant. You did what you did. At this point all I can do is either say "Fuck you, you fucking prick, you lied and disrespected me." OR I can choose to stay,accept your apology, and move on. I choose the second. Not because I fully forgive you (there is plenty of anger and unhappiness inside) but because I love you. I think we've got a shot as something really great here. I believe that things will one day go back to the way they were. You broke my heart. But lucky for you I see myself as a strong enough person to pick up the pieces and put us back together. You say you don't deserve me. Your right, you don't. But now is your time to prove that maybe one day you will. If I'm your light, prove it. You tell me trust is your biggest issue, hypocrite. You lied to me and withheld information. I always told you I would earn your trust with my actions and words. I never questioned yours until now.
I was reminded recently of the story of the scorpion and the frog. Please dont be that scorpion, but if you are, atleast we're going down together. Being angry and in love with someone all at the same time is on of the most stressful things. I want to say mean things to you and hurt you, but alas my heart does not allow it.
I love you and we'll fix this, but Im going to need your help.

Saturday Night Lights

Here I am at home on a Saturday, snowed in. Terrible. I absolutely despise the snow. No good comes from it at all. Well atleast not in my eyes. I should probably be taking advantage of this day being productive. But when I looks outside its just dark and depressing. This in turn makes me tired and lack any sort of motivation. Please just stop snowing. I feel like thats not too much to ask for.
Life is going good. Nothing to interesting or crazy going on. I basically spend my time working and being around the people I care about. I cant really complain about anything. So I wonder why I constantly and sitting around waiting for something. What am I waiting for? How long till I find it? Should I be looking? Change is in order. And I cant sit around waiting for change to come to me. I wish I could find a job I truely enjoy that allows me to live comfortably. Unless I go back to school, I dont see that happening. School........Expensive....Confusing...Necessary. Id like to go back but I have no idea how I would pay for it. Which brings me to money. The root of all evil in life. Money ruines lives, relationships, and the world. If the devil were to take a physical form it would be a large amount of money. Evil isnt hell,satan, or demons. Evil is money, greed, power, lust, jealousy and revenge. Things I feel we see all to often in this life. But enough ranting about that.
Looking threw this blog and ones Ive kept before this one would think I am a negative person who is unhappy. Thats just not true. I consider myself to be a very happy person. I just use my blogs and journals as an outlet to vent. I mean it has be healthier than taking this anger out on others.
Hmmmmm......I believe this is all I have today. Lets see how long it takes for me to update this again.
Side note: Ive got something to say....and I believe its true....but is it too soon?
Ill hold on to this for a little while longer. Feel out the situation a little more.
By the way the picture at top I thought it was cute. Oh my little monster Frankenstein.